2024 Puns of the Day (Try Not To Laugh)

Welcome to the ultimate collection of puns for every single day of 2024.

That’s right, 366 puns that will make you groan, chuckle, and maybe even laugh out loud.

So, buckle up and get ready for a pun-filled ride.

• 1st Jan: I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.
• 2nd Jan: I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
• 3rd Jan: Broken pencils are pointless.
• 4th Jan: What do you call a dinosaur that is a noisy sleeper? A Tyranno-snorus.
• 5th Jan: England doesn’t have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
• 6th Jan: I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.
• 7th Jan: I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
• 8th Jan: Velcro – what a rip off!
• 9th Jan: Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.
• 10th Jan: I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have grater problems.
• 11th Jan: Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
• 12th Jan: What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing – but it let out a little whine.
• 13th Jan: I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.
• 14th Jan: I’m glad I know sign language, it’s pretty handy.
• 15th Jan: My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.
• 16th Jan: The furniture store keeps calling me to come back. But all I wanted was one night stand.
• 17th Jan: I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
• 18th Jan: Dad, can you put my shoes on? I don’t think they’ll fit me.
• 19th Jan: RIP boiling water. You will be mist.
• 20th Jan: When life gives you melons, you’re dyslexic.
• 21st Jan: I am so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed.
• 22nd Jan: Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
• 23rd Jan: I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a ChapStick. She still isn’t talking to me.
• 24th Jan: What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.
• 25th Jan: My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
• 26th Jan: Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing? In case they get a hole in one!
• 27th Jan: Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
• 28th Jan: What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.
• 29th Jan: How do you organize a space party? You planet.
• 30th Jan: When you look really closely, all mirrors look like eyeballs.
• 31st Jan: What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye matey.
• 1st Feb: I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.
• 2nd Feb: The meaning of opaque is unclear.
• 3rd Feb: The other day I held the door open for a clown. It was a nice jester.
• 4th Feb: Need an ark? I Noah guy.
• 5th Feb: I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me.
• 6th Feb: Why can’t a bike stand on its own? It’s two tired.
• 7th Feb: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
• 8th Feb: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
• 9th Feb: I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
• 10th Feb: She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
• 11th Feb: No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
• 12th Feb: What do you call a snobbish criminal going downstairs? A condescending con descending.
• 13th Feb: Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
• 14th Feb: I’m friends with all the batteries; they’re so positive.
• 15th Feb: I wanted a camouflage shirt, but I couldn’t find one.
• 16th Feb: The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
• 17th Feb: A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it’s two-tired.
• 18th Feb: The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.
• 19th Feb: My math teacher called me average. How mean!
• 20th Feb: I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
• 21st Feb: When the electricity went out, it was a dark day.
• 22nd Feb: I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
• 23rd Feb: How does a lawyer say goodbye? I’ll be suing ya!
• 24th Feb: A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
• 25th Feb: I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
• 26th Feb: Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
• 27th Feb: I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you didn’t like it.
• 28th Feb: I had a dream I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted.
• 29th Feb: I gave all my dead batteries away today, free of charge.
• 1st Mar: How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.
• 2nd Mar: I’ve been to the dentist many times, so I know the drill.
• 3rd Mar: What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
• 4th Mar: What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
• 5th Mar: I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
• 6th Mar: I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
• 7th Mar: This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
• 8th Mar: Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
• 9th Mar: We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.
• 10th Mar: Energizer Bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
• 11th Mar: I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
• 12th Mar: I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
• 13th Mar: When chemists die, they barium.
• 14th Mar: Do you have weight loss mantras? Fat chants!
• 15th Mar: A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.
• 16th Mar: What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).
• 17th Mar: A backwards poet writes inverse.
• 18th Mar: A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
• 19th Mar: She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
• 20th Mar: I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
• 21st Mar: Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
• 22nd Mar: The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
• 23rd Mar: To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
• 24th Mar: A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
• 25th Mar: A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
• 26th Mar: A will is a dead giveaway.
• 27th Mar: If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
• 28th Mar: When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
• 29th Mar: Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.
• 30th Mar: Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
• 31st Mar: When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
• 1st Apr: Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
• 2nd Apr: Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
• 3rd Apr: What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
• 4th Apr: I couldn’t get a reservation at the library. They were completely booked.
• 5th Apr: What do you call an alligator in a vest? An in-vest-igator!
• 6th Apr: I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
• 7th Apr: I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.
• 8th Apr: Never trust an atom, they make up everything.
• 9th Apr: I went on a once in a lifetime holiday. Never again.
• 10th Apr: The inventor of the throat lozenge died last month. There was no coughin’ at his funeral.
• 11th Apr: I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
• 12th Apr: A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a bar. The rabbit says “I think I might be a typo.”
• 13th Apr: Thieves stole all the toilets from the police station. Right now, the cops have nothing to go on.
• 14th Apr: What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
• 15th Apr: Two fish are in a tank. One looks over at the other and says
• 16th Apr: I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
• 17th Apr: What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other’s a little lighter.
• 18th Apr: Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu – you get what you deserve.
• 19th Apr: If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. They’re normally around 90 degrees.
• 20th Apr: I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarznegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”
• 21st Apr: I’m terrified of elevators. I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
• 22nd Apr: Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other
• 23rd Apr: I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn’t find any.
• 24th Apr: What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.
• 25th Apr: Our wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
• 26th Apr: I’ve spent the past four years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer, but no one will do it.
• 27th Apr: So what if I don’t know what “Armageddon” means? It’s not the end of the world.
• 28th Apr: How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
• 29th Apr: I used to hate facial hair…but then it grew on me.
• 30th Apr: What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
• 1st May: What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.
• 2nd May: Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!
• 3rd May: I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
• 4th May: May the 4th be with you.
• 5th May: I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!
• 6th May: What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? The space bar.
• 7th May: How do you drown a hipster? Throw him in the mainstream.
• 8th May: Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
• 9th May: What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court.
• 10th May: What do you call a pony with a cough? A little horse.
• 11th May: Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.
• 12th May: How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for fresh prints.
• 13th May: If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
• 14th May: When does a joke become a “dad joke”? When it becomes apparent.
• 15th May: I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know.
• 16th May: Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.
• 17th May: If you see a crime happen at the Apple store, does that make you an iWitness?
• 18th May: Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish.
• 19th May: I sold my vacuum cleaner – it was just gathering dust.
• 20th May: I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay.
• 21st May: What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison.
• 22nd May: Someone stole my mood ring and I’m not sure how I feel about that.
• 23rd May: Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
• 24th May: A termite walks into the bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
• 25th May: Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.
• 26th May: Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the P is silent.
• 27th May: What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory.
• 28th May: How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
• 29th May: I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually, it came back to me.
• 30th May: What is the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
• 31st May: I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
• 1st Jun: Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.
• 2nd Jun: The future, the present, and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
• 3rd Jun: Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
• 4th Jun: What’s the best way to carve wood? Whittle by whittle.
• 5th Jun: What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits.
• 6th Jun: Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
• 7th Jun: What’s brown and sticky? A stick!
• 8th Jun: Two satellites decided to get married. The wedding wasn’t much, but the reception was incredible.
• 9th Jun: Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
• 10th Jun: What did one hat say to the other? You wait here. I’ll go on a head.
• 11th Jun: A perfectionist walked into a bar…apparently, the bar wasn’t set high enough.
• 12th Jun: I met some aliens from outer space. They were pretty cool, but had weird names. It was Zyxwvu and Zyxwvu 2.
• 13th Jun: Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
• 14th Jun: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
• 15th Jun: What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel, a Poodle and a rooster? A Cockerpoodledoo!
• 16th Jun: Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
• 17th Jun: What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
• 18th Jun: This furniture store keeps emailing me, all I wanted was one night stand!
• 19th Jun: What is the best way to communicate with a fish? Drop it a line!
• 20th Jun: I tried to get a job at a casino, but they said I wasn’t a good fit. I guess I’m just not a gambling man.
• 21st Jun: I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why.
• 22nd Jun: They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type O.
• 23rd Jun: Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
• 24th Jun: Acupuncture is a jab well done.
• 25th Jun: Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
• 26th Jun: A plateau is the highest form of flattery.
• 27th Jun: A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
• 28th Jun: The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
• 29th Jun: He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.
• 30th Jun: Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
• 1st Jul: When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
• 2nd Jul: The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
• 3rd Jul: The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
• 4th Jul: With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
• 5th Jul: Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
• 6th Jul: A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said
• 7th Jul: A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’
• 8th Jul: The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
• 9th Jul: It’s not that the man didn’t know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.
• 10th Jul: The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
• 11th Jul: A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
• 12th Jul: In a democracy, it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism, it’s your count that votes.
• 13th Jul: When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
• 14th Jul: If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.
• 15th Jul: Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
• 16th Jul: Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other
• 17th Jul: A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.
• 18th Jul: When William joined the army, he disliked the phrase ‘fire at will’.
• 19th Jul: There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils.
• 20th Jul: I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
• 21st Jul: A dyslexic man walked into a bra.
• 22nd Jul: The cross-eyed teacher was fired because she couldn’t control her pupils.
• 23rd Jul: When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.
• 24th Jul: All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. As of now, it appears the police have nothing to go on.
• 25th Jul: Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
• 26th Jul: Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
• 27th Jul: I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
• 28th Jul: PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.
• 29th Jul: I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
• 30th Jul: The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
• 31st Jul: The man who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
• 1st Aug: Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
• 2nd Aug: The calendar’s days are numbered.
• 3rd Aug: I knew I was going bald when it started taking longer and longer to wash my face.
• 4th Aug: Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
• 5th Aug: I once got into a fight with a broken elevator. I took it to another level.
• 6th Aug: I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
• 7th Aug: What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
• 8th Aug: Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
• 9th Aug: Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
• 10th Aug: Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
• 11th Aug: I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.
• 12th Aug: Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
• 13th Aug: I used to hate math, but then I realized decimals have a point.
• 14th Aug: I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
• 15th Aug: I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
• 16th Aug: I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
• 17th Aug: What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
• 18th Aug: I’d tell you a joke about an elevator, but it’s an uplifting experience.
• 19th Aug: Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
• 20th Aug: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
• 21st Aug: How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
• 22nd Aug: What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house? The living room.
• 23rd Aug: I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
• 24th Aug: Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? He made a mint.
• 25th Aug: What did one hat say to the other? Stay here, I’m going on ahead.
• 26th Aug: Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.
• 27th Aug: I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me Kit Kats.
• 28th Aug: I don’t trust people who do acupuncture. They’re back stabbers.
• 29th Aug: I wanted to be a professional basketball player, but I was just too foul.
• 30th Aug: I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
• 31st Aug: A book fell on my head. I can only blame my shelf.
• 1st Sep: Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
• 2nd Sep: How does a snowman get around? By riding an “icicle”.
• 3rd Sep: I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.
• 4th Sep: What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
• 5th Sep: Why do bananas never get lonely? Because they hang out in bunches.
• 6th Sep: February 29th – A day that only exists once every four years, but the jokes still come.
• 7th Sep: Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish.
• 8th Sep: I told a joke about a roof once. It went over everyone’s head.
• 9th Sep: I wanted to be a doctor but I didn’t have the patients.
• 10th Sep: The rotation of the Earth really makes my day.
• 11th Sep: Sushi is the only food that unrolls off your plate and keeps on rolling.
• 12th Sep: The best angle from which to approach any problem is the try-angle.
• 13th Sep: Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
• 14th Sep: If a Norwegian robot analyzes a bird, it Scandinavian.
• 15th Sep: I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
• 16th Sep: I can cut a piece of wood just by looking at it. It’s true, I saw it with my own eyes.
• 17th Sep: My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
• 18th Sep: There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
• 19th Sep: The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
• 20th Sep: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
• 21st Sep: Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
• 22nd Sep: Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
• 23rd Sep: Want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it’s too cheesy.
• 24th Sep: Don’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.
• 25th Sep: Earthquake puns are just tremor humor.
• 26th Sep: You really shouldn’t be intimidated by advanced math… it’s easy as pi!
• 27th Sep: Where did the sheep go on vacation? The baa-hamas!
• 28th Sep: What kind of noise does a 747 make when it bounces? Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.
• 29th Sep: I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that’s just nuts.
• 30th Sep: How do trees access the internet? They log on.
• 1st Oct: Kiss me, I’m Irish… if you don’t, I’m O’kay.
• 2nd Oct: Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
• 3rd Oct: I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
• 4th Oct: The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. It doesn’t make any cents!
• 5th Oct: How did I escape Iraq? Iran.
• 6th Oct: The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large.
• 7th Oct: No matter how kind you are, German children are Kinder.
• 8th Oct: Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
• 9th Oct: If you don’t pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.
• 10th Oct: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese.
• 11th Oct: The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
• 12th Oct: What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
• 13th Oct: Don’t trust people that do acupuncture, they’re backstabbers.
• 14th Oct: What do the letters D.N.A. stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
• 15th Oct: A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says
• 16th Oct: I saw a documentary on how ships are held together. Riveting.
• 17th Oct: I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
• 18th Oct: I went to the bank and asked for a loan to buy a boat, but they kept asking if I had proof of income. It became clear they were just fishing for an excuse.
• 19th Oct: Don’t let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
• 20th Oct: The Ides of March are for crossing the Rubicon and overthrowing Julius Caesar, but the Sides of March are for eating french fries.
• 21st Oct: What do you call a camel with no humps? Humphrey.
• 22nd Oct: A fellow tells his friend he’s getting married and going on a honeymoon. When asked where they are going, he says “We’re flying to the capital of Sweden, but I can’t quite remember what it’s called…it’s either Helsinki or Oslo.” His friend says “Well, you better get it right or you’ll end up in Finland!”
• 23rd Oct: A book just fell on my head. I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
• 24th Oct: First day of spring? I goat this!
• 25th Oct: How do prisoners communicate with each other? Cell phones.
• 26th Oct: By the way, what do you call a fish in a tie? So-fish-ticated.
• 27th Oct: A man walks into a library and orders a hamburger. The librarian says, “Sir, this is a library.” The man apologizes and whispers, “I’d like a hamburger, please.”
• 28th Oct: I told my friend she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
• 29th Oct: A man walks into a zoo, the only animal was a dog. It was a shitzu.
• 30th Oct: Oxygen is a toxic gas. Anyone who inhales it will normally die within about 80 years.
• 31st Oct: I used to sell computer parts, but I don’t have the drive for it anymore.
• 1st Nov: I bought a dog from a blacksmith, as soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door.
• 2nd Nov: Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• 3rd Nov: Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels!
• 4th Nov: Dogs can’t operate MRI machines…but catscan.
• 5th Nov: What do you call a cow on a trampoline? A milk shake.
• 6th Nov: My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and now she sangria than ever.
• 7th Nov: What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador.
• 8th Nov: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.
• 9th Nov: I used to work at a soft drink can crushing company, it was soda pressing.
• 10th Nov: People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.
• 11th Nov: What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.
• 12th Nov: I would tell you a joke about the coronavirus, but you would have to wait two weeks to get it.
• 13th Nov: Imagine if the USA switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be mass confusion.
• 14th Nov: What does the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me something smells!
• 15th Nov: What do you call a fly without wings? A walk.
• 16th Nov: What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
• 17th Nov: Well I’ll be darned! Socks with a hole in them just aren’t the same.
• 18th Nov: Why did the tiger get lost? Because jungle is massive.
• 19th Nov: What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.
• 20th Nov: When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
• 21st Nov: Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind… it’s tearable.
• 22nd Nov: Why did the clock in the cafeteria run slow? It always went back four seconds.
• 23rd Nov: The other day I bought a thesaurus, but when I got home and opened it, all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.
• 24th Nov: Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!
• 25th Nov: I called the tinnitus hotline – no one answered, they just kept ringing!
• 26th Nov: Why did the computer go to the dentist? It had a bluetooth.
• 27th Nov: I got sacked from my job as a cricket commentator for saying, “I don’t want to bore you with the details.”
• 28th Nov: A guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch. The bartender says “Pal, if you want a punch you’ll have to stand in line” The guy looks around, but there is no punch line.
• 29th Nov: Our pet rabbit died so we mummified it. Now its just a hare of Tutankhamun.
• 30th Nov: When she told me she was leaving me because of my obsession with finding anagrams in the dictionary, I thought to myself, “This is just non-sense.”
• 1st Dec: What kind of shoes do Ninjas wear? Sneakers.
• 2nd Dec: I would tell you a dry eye joke but it’s not tearable.
• 3rd Dec: I couldn’t join the KKK if I wanted to – I’m just not suited for the job.
• 4th Dec: I bought a universal remote control today. This changes everything!
• 5th Dec: Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet.
• 6th Dec: What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes? Re-Morse code.
• 7th Dec: When she said she saw beautiful flowers and two ducks in the bathroom, I thought she was crazy until I went and saw flowers and ducklings in her bathtub.
• 8th Dec: I can’t take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. I guess it’s because he’s pure bread.
• 9th Dec: There’s an Italian restaurant nearby serving a flat pasta but I don’t know if I should trust them, it seems like a ravioli flat proposition.
• 10th Dec: What do you call a French shoe? Loafer.
• 11th Dec: What did the dog say to the tree? Bark.
• 12th Dec: My wife thinks I have an obsession with reading maps upside down, but I could be wrong.
• 13th Dec: I was going to buy one of those color changing shower heads, but it didn’t seem to be worth all the hue and cry.
• 14th Dec: My relationship with whiskey is on the rocks.
• 15th Dec: Where do horses go when they get sick? The horsepital.
• 16th Dec: I just ate a clock. It was very time consuming, especially when I went back for seconds.
• 17th Dec: I was thinking about moving to Moscow but there is no point Russian into things.
• 18th Dec: I broke both of my arms, but on the other hand I’m completely fine.
• 19th Dec: I’ve read about a mountain climber who has a small dog named Karma. Apparently, every time he goes up a mountain, Karma gets high.
• 20th Dec: What is a snake’s favorite subject in school? Hiss-tory.
• 21st Dec: I once bought a wooden whistle but it wooden whistle. I bought a steel whistle and it steel wooden whistle. Finally, I bought a tin whistle and now I tin whistle.
• 22nd Dec: My uncle named his dogs Rolex and Timex. They’re his watch dogs.
• 23rd Dec: There was an explosion at a French cheese factory. All that was left was de Brie.
• 24th Dec: I used to donate blood, but I stopped when I heard about all of the side effects. It makes me tired, I get dizzy, and in the worst cases it makes my arm bruise. It’s all vein.
• 25th Dec: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up.
• 26th Dec: To the guy who invented zero
• 27th Dec: One-fifth of people are just too tense.
• 28th Dec: Please tell me more, I’m all ears – that is, if you’re done telling me about the butt and nose.
• 29th Dec: Where there’s a will, there’s a relative!
• 30th Dec: For those who don’t understand the concept of a marathon, it’s basically a really long jog.
• 31st Dec: This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

And there you have it, folks.

A pun a day to keep you entertained throughout the year 2024.

Whether you’re a fan of puns or just appreciate a good laugh, we hope this collection has brought some joy to your day.

Puns may be groan-worthy at times, but they’re also a clever and entertaining form of wordplay.

They challenge our minds to think creatively and find humor in the subtle nuances of language.

So, embrace the pun.

Share them with friends, family, and colleagues.

And most importantly, don’t forget to laugh.

Because in a world that can sometimes feel heavy and serious, a little bit of laughter can go a long way.